I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
