Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
