I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
