you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
