I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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