Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
