i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
