I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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