so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
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u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
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i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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