we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
