A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
