What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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