why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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