A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
