I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Man, jail baloney is awful.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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