I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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