did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
