the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Oh god it's open bar.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
