I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
