I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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