Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
