They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
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Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
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I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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