If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
