I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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