I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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