If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
