WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
