I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
