I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize