Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
