just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So much Jack, so little girl.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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