I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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