this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
