I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
