You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
