how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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