So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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