Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
