I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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