If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
