It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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