You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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