Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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