Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
