Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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