In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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