Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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