Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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