just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
