so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
