you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
nutella sex= disaster
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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