sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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