My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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