Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
