Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
