I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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