I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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