I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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