the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
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jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
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There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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