I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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