Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
