I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
