yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
