yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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