guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
