the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
