I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
