Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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