You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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