I can feel you judging me through the phone.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize