"it" just moved
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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