I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
