I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
