I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
