I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
