Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just forgot I was standing up.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
